Pamela Llano Zesty Mom
It's my birthday month, and last week I celebrated my 48th trip around the sun! Whoohoo!
I'm late in writing about it because I've been busy actually enjoying it~ which is kind of the whole point!
The beauty of the day, this year, and this stage in my life is that for the first time in my life, I pretty much just focused on following joy.
I mean, it's not like I've been chasing money or power up until this point or anything~
I've always been pretty keen on pointing towards what makes me happy,
BUT, there's this expansive sense of freedom now in knowing that I'm not actually responsible for anyone else.
I know I never actually was, but having kids can give one the illusion that you're supposed to somehow be in control~
We all know the reality is you're only in control of yourself, and in all honesty, that's a struggle in itself sometimes.
Still, the delusions of misplaced responsibility sometimes spread and you start thinking you're somehow responsible for all kinds of things, which can be frustrating, depressing and downright futile.
While my logical mind has understood that I can't control everything for years, the depths of my psyche still continued to fill with countless hours of stressing over things that I had zero control over.
Now that the kiddos have flown the coop, there's this much bigger and more obvious understanding of it on a cellular level that I can feel in my bones.
I'm Only in Charge of ME!
Coupling that with having fewer effs than ever to give about what other people think (another amazing bonus of growing) can leave a Grown Arse Woman feeling downright giddy!
I literally spent the day walking around with relieved sighs and a full toothy smile just following the joy.
I took the day off work and headed to the mountains with my SweetHeart to avoid the oppressive heat.
We browsed cute shops, and when trying on clothes, I had an epiphany-
Even though I'm physically bigger than I've ever been in my life,
I'm happier with myself and care more about my body now than I ever have in the past.
In other words, I was nice to myself as I grabbed a bigger size!!!
This is revolutionary stuff, folks!
Next, we went for not one but two hikes, and spotted dozens of late blooming wildflowers.
We not only ate cheese and chocolate, but we delighted in them.
We lounged on a beach and read and I had wine and we would have gone kayaking, but thunderstorms closed the rental shop.
I was OK avoiding electrocution, and besides, we realized the beautiful snowy mountain on the horizon was less than 20 minutes away.
So, we went up there to play too.
I've never had a beach and snow in the same birthday before, so that was pretty awesome!
As the day wound down, I realized I didn't actually want to go out to dinner, even if it was my birthday.
I wanted to watch the sun go down over water and go home to eat lobster ravioli made by my Love and with my furry friends at my feet.
And so, I did.
And it was wonderful.
Within a few days of me feeling all free from worrying about other people though, both of my kiddos texted about navigating upcoming housing changes and issues they'll be dealing with.
And I pretty much forgot that I was no longer stressing about things I couldn't control.
The good news is, I only came up with less than a half dozen "Oh NOOOOO!" scenarios before I remembered that I'm supposed to be in my new chill phase, and realized they were already asking for what they needed and figuring out the rest.
I'm definitely learning all the time, and the best I can strive for is progress, not perfection, right?
Anyhoo...Back to my Birthday~
I'm only 2 years from 50 and there's so much I'm scheming.
Society acts like growing older is supposed to suck, but for me, it's been pretty freaking awesome!
Life is Great at 48!
Here's to another year of living and learning, growing and loving, and exploring this big beautiful world!
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And wherever you are, I hope you're chasing Joy, too!
Writer, Artist, Empowered Living Advocate, Wanna-be Organic Gardening Foodie, Travel Loving Life Explorer, FunSchooling Facilitator / Former Goat-Herding HeadMistress for our Mostly Happy Homeschool, Semi-Crazy Chicken Lady and Mamacita Extraordinaire to a couple of Cage Free Kids.