Because moving is a hideous pain in the arse, and everybody hates it, that’s why.
Did I mention that we're moving?
I feel like we have been packing for weeks, because we have, and there’s still more. It never freaking ends.
Despite the drawers, closets and cupboards I have emptied, despite the boxes and boxes and boxes I have packed, despite the carloads of castoffs I have taken to Goodwill and the cans I have filled with garbage and recyclables, there is still more.
Why do I have so much stuff?
I wonder just when and how I became a hoarder? Aren’t there reality shows about this kind of thing? I wonder if I qualify to be on one?
I already know I have issues.
My Partner says that in the single episode of a junk hoarder reality show he has watched, they did in fact help the people to clean up and get organized. Yayy! Maybe they can help me, I think.
But, apparently, there was also some focus on the psychology of what was behind all the hoarding.
Sheesh. I was afraid of that. I’m rethinking my interest in being involved now.
I really don’t want to get into the psychology of why I have this 35 year old crusty haired Big Bird doll with no eyeballs and distorted voice box that’s supposed to say “I love you very much” when you pull the string, but now sounds like “Ruh, wuh, wah, wahwaha wuh.”
I just want my stuff neatly moved into my new home, and I don’t want to talk or think about it, although technically, I don’t even have the new home to put it yet even if I had the hoarder helper crew to move it for me. That however, is another story.
My Partner tells me that in the particular episode he watched, the hoarding woman had grown children, yet under the mounds and mounds of stuff, they found brand new unopened boxes of baby diapers from the 70s.
Maybe she was subconsciously trying to hang on to that special time as a mother, or maybe she just forgot they were buried under there because they had 40 years of accumulated other stuff on the top of them. She might have some deep emotional baggage, but then again, she might just be forgetful and a bad housekeeper.
I understand and respect the idea of consciously choosing each item in our homes, and the concept of only hanging on to things that are either beautiful, or useful or somehow bring us joy. I understand it in theory that is, but my reality isn’t there yet.
I have to be out in a day, and there’s not a lot of time left for thinking. My hope is to unpack with that mindset, because my crammed timeline for packing isn’t allowing such thought and pondering.
Mostly though, my heart and mind are just too full of the logistics of moving out of one home before your next one is ready. Between that, and my job, I think my decision making skills are being used at full capacity already.
So, I’m going to focus on what I need to focus on most~ one thing at a time. Usually, that one thing would be what’s right in front of my face and trying to deal with it completely, but in this case, those things are mostly just getting boxed, and will be dealt with later. A few things have been obvious choices to give or throw away, but if there is thought or hesitation on an item, I’m just putting it off and packing it up for now. I’ll have to deal with it later.
Some things I know will have to go, but just not today. Like I know it’s time for me to let go of that ratty old Big Bird, but I also know he deserves a proper burial, and not to be thrown in a garbage can. And I don’t have time to bury him here, so into a box he goes.
Hopefully, he will rest in peace for now, until I can find him a more permanent resting spot.
As my family says goodbye to this wonderful piece of land that has been our home and the place where so many dreams were hatched, and a few of our beloved pets were laid to rest, I hope the same for us.
We’ve had some pretty big clouds of uncertainty cast upon us, but they’re clearing now. We have good solid prospects for our next long term home, and safe places to explore, work and play and rest our heads in the interim. And thank the Good Lord, it feels pretty likely that we can do all of those things in peace.
PS. Since I failed to get any photos of my own piles of boxes and junk, I decided to do a quick Google search on hoarders, to see if I could find any usable pics.
This left me both relieved and slightly traumatized. Thankfully, I have not actually accumulated enough stuff to fall into that category, even if it feels that way when I'm trying to pack and move it all.
I'm also grateful for the fear based intervention, which will hopefully help me shed even more possessions when I unpack in a month or so.