Pamela Llano Zesty Mom
Motherhood, by nature, leans towards selflessness. It starts from the time we donate our bodies to house and feed our children, and continues as they grow and we sign them up for sports, music lessons, dance and art classes. We use our free time driving them to and from all these activities and work extra hours to pay for it all. When talking with some other basketball moms, I learned that some of them spend all five weeknights and their entire Saturday revolved around kids' sports~ every week. These women had full time paid jobs too. None of them seemed too happy about it, but they all acted as if that's what having kids was all about. I wondered if they ever think about playing sports anymore, or making music or art or dancing or doing any of the things they used to love? Or do they just get to live vicariously through the next generation? I felt baffled and a little sad. Not that I don’t enjoy my kids being involved in great activities. I love seeing them grow and have fun, and am happy to facilitate it however I can. But, I also enjoy participating in fun stuff too, not just watching, driving and providing funding. Maybe I’m a wee bit selfish too, but I think it’s a mental preservation thing. I’m a more cheerful chauffeur, coordinator and financial sponsor for their lives when I get to have a life too. It's almost like a public service to keep me from being mean. For me, it’s a matter of balance that’s worth pursuing. I’m glad we have a lot of fun together~ making art, playing games, going hiking, all sorts of things. But sometimes, I want to do something for me, even if no one else is particularly interested, or it’s not geared towards young people. So, starting next week, I’m treating myself to a photography class. I love taking pictures, and as I have in many areas of life, I’ve pretty much been just winging it and playing around having fun. But, I’ve wanted to learn more about the art of photography for years. So, when a coupon for this SuperHero Photo course popped into my inbox a few weeks ago, I filed it in the “Hmmmmmm....” part of my brain to think more about later. Naturally, I also had some of those “Oh but....” kind of thoughts with a bunch of reasons not to spend money on myself (yet I spend money on kids “enrichment” all the time, in addition to all the boring but necessary stuff like food, gas & housing.) Then, I had my birthday and within a few days of each other I had several separate articles pop across screens I was staring at. They were about things like investing in ourselves, the importance of lifelong learning and the dangers of stress ~ all sorts of things that just said “Hey~ why should kids have all the fun? It’s my birthday! Go sign up for that class already!” (Besides, I had birthday cash and a coupon that would expire if I didn’t use it :-) My guess is that the kids will see me having fun and start asking about it, and in no time, they’ll be snapping photos galore too. And even if they don’t, I’ll be learning some new tricks, connecting with other people and getting to do something fun & creative. Those are good enough reasons for me. If you’re interested in a 6 week self paced online creative photography journey, join me for the Super Hero Photo Course that starts Monday June 24th. (I don’t get any incentive for this, and I can’t tell you first hand how the class is because I haven’t taken it yet. But, I have a feeling it’s a goody, and I’m learning to trust those feelings.)
I’ll be sharing my photos here and on the Facebook Page soon. Hope you like them! What are you doing for yourself for enjoyment this summer? I’m always inspired by hearing how other people keep learning and growing themselves, in addition to their families. Post your ideas in the comments below.
6 Comments
6/21/2013 03:52:11 pm
My curriculum recommendation to homeschooling moms is always: Seek Joy. And, yes, Mama -- it means Seek Joy for yourself as well as for your children. It makes you a wonderful example to your kids. For my husband and me, it's music - writing, playing and learning new instruments. It's a passion that keeps us busy, happy and working and learning together.
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Thanks Erin~ Seeking Joy is very good advice~ I remember you saying it years ago, and try to remind myself of it often.
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I think it's so incredibly important for everyone - mothers and non-mothers alike - to remember that if they don't refill their own wells, they can't provide for the people around them.
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Thanks for your comments Tanya~ I think many women who do choose to be mothers also are under the same impression you were, and they end up feeling bitter and resentful, or just sad and like they lost part of who they were or could have been. And I've had other friends, like you, who decided not to have kids for just those reasons. While having kids definitely means it isn't ALL about the mom anymore, it requires giving a lot, but it sure seems healthier if it can be a little about her.
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Originally I chose to be a stay at home mom and I thought that meant I gave every waking moment to my children. I soon was exhausted in a drained kind of way. So, I learned to center first...and to honor and include my likes and interests in each day, as much as I did theirs. There were still a few days of exhaustion, but in a fulfilled kind of way. The one thing, though is I love to play--so sometimes I enjoy the activities as much as the kids! I hope you enjoy your new class!
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The centering is so key~ I notice a big difference in how frazzled I am (or not) based on whether I take the time to center and orientate early in the day.
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Who is Zesty Mom?I'm an Artist, Writer, Funschooling Facilitator, Empowered Living Advocate, Wanna-be Organic Gardening Foodie, Travel Loving Life Explorer, Former Goat Herding Chicken Lady, and Full Time Mamacita Extraordinaire to a Couple of Cage Free Kids. I Made This For You:
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