Easter Sunday and my family rose with the sun. Not so much for the religious symbolism, but because we would be serving brunch at this annual fundraising event for my kids' youth group.
As a non-morning riser myself, I was not at all looking forward to he alarm, but somehow I woke up over an hour before it was set to go off.
One of the first things I thought (aside from why is no one making me coffee?) was how much I appreciate that Easter is a season of rebirth and renewal. That's because this year, I once again didn't exactly pull off my Lenten goals.
The thing I wanted to give up for Lent this year was trying to solve problems that weren't mine. I wanted to let go, to loosen the clenched grip, to release the emotional attachments to outcomes. Basically, to quit freaking out.
The problem was that more days than not, I completely forgot I was trying to do this.
Often I didn't remember until I had already stressed myself out, or in some cases completely flipped my shizzle sticks.
Then, in hindsight, I would lament my wayward ways. I didn't actually vow to do better, but I really did hope to improve. I'm not however all that convinced that I did.
This isn't the first year I have managed to NOT pull off my Lenten goals.
Perhaps I need a better plan because it's not easy trying to work with less tangible concepts instead of actual things.
One thing I am better at than I have been in years past is not being mean to myself about it. (Thanks in part to the lovely Christine Arylo who is always uber encouraging to be gentle with ourselves)
In years past, I would have had much more negative commentary on my failure. This year, I'm chalking it up to reality being harder than philosophy.
In any case, even though Lent is over, I still would like to work more on this Letting Go Idea.
Maybe a vow would have helped?
Maybe some sort of alarm upon waking or reminders on my phone throughout the day?
I could just go low tech in my efforts to rebirth my aspirations of being a less stressed and calmer person is to hang sticky notes all over the house.
"Keep Breathing and Let it Go, Lady."
"Everything is Going to Be OK"
"It's OK for people to make choices that appear to be bat poop crazy. You don't need to fix it."
"It's Not Your Problem."
Maybe at least a better definition of what I'm actually trying to do?
I suppose that would be: I want to learn to let go of caring to the point where it physically effects me and I don't sleep and feel like vomiting over other people's problems, but I want to still continue caring in a way that a nice person would?
I'm not sure that entirely makes sense, even to me, but I'm still going to shoot for it anyway.
I'd love any wisdom or thoughts on how to keep caring, but not caring at the same time, so please share in the comments below if you have any ideas.
Happy Easter to those who celebrated, and Happy Spring to the rest of you!