I was thankful for the break in the rain as I loaded my old Volvo station wagon and headed south towards the desert. My mind was heavy with questions about relationships, my job, my future. The car was packed to the roof with enough food for a small nation, and barely enough room for my two kids and a tent. 

I drove without a real agenda, with only a general idea of places we wanted to see. I had no idea where we would stay, only that we would travel along a very vague circular route through the southwest, and that we would not be coming back for more than a month. 

The trip was a lot like my life- without any clear plan as to where I was going. I just needed to journey in a different direction to see what was out there. So, I drove.

I drove, and drove. I drove for weeks. I can't say how many miles because the odometer in my old car had stopped working long ago. But this trip wasn't about the car, even though we lived out of it and slept in it more than once. It wasn't about counting miles either, even though we covered many thousands. 


This trip was about exploring and being free. 


Enjoying the journey was as important to the experience as any destination. 

We stopped for everything from Wild West theme shows to giant statues of road runners made out of garbage. I rarely drove more than a few hours in a day, and spent a few days discovering each place before moving on. As I drove, we talked. We talked about everything from the splendid sights all around to our dreams and goals for the future. 


No one asked "Are we there yet?" because we rarely even knew where there was.


We watched the landscape constantly change, and oohed and aahed over the scenery. There was a daily chorus of "wow" from every seat as we became enamored with all that is out there. 

But, it wasn't all about beauty and wonder either. Navigating strange cities and countrysides, and setting up camp in a new place every few days was a lot of work. We were like pioneers, growing more competent in our skills all the time.

At night, we were at home and cozy in our tent, playing cards and reading stories aloud by lamp light and talking even more in the dark. As we laughed at silly jokes and bickered over who ate the last cookie, I was so glad to be able to spend this time with these kids.

I came home not knowing exactly what my future would bring, but convinced that I needed to eliminate the things that didn't belong in my life. 


Change might be scary, but unlike the mountains, I don't have millions of years to grow into what I want to be. 


I have one short lifetime to find my unique beauty in. 

We came back feeling in love with the world. I was inspired to keep going and seeing more, traveling more with my children. We are planning to hit the road again in a few months, this time heading north. The trip that started it all also ended up inspiring me to do more things the naysayers would fret over. I cut my hours at my job and eliminated the most draining components. Of course that also eliminated a huge portion of my income, but it opened up a well of time and energy for other creative endeavors. I feel as free and endangered as the Condors nesting over the Colorado River- hatched in captivity and released into the wilds. I am spreading my wings and ready to fly.  


****This essay was published on Escape Is Possible and also appeared on the Dave's Travel Corner website.

It’s my 43rd Valentines Day, and by 6:30 PM, I was in my PJs with a cocktail and a box of Girl Scout Cookies, hanging out painting and collaging in my garage with my dog and cat at my feet.

It sounds like a sad story, but I’m actually quite content. More than that...I’m really, really happy.

Even though my Valentine is 350 miles away, I don’t feel alone. That’s an odd thing for me, because historically, I’ve been prone to putting a lot of expectations around celebrations and occasions, and then suffering woeful disappointment when things didn’t work out the way I expected.

Danielle LaPorte talks a lot about seeking out the way you want to feel, rather than the external factors, and I think that’s actually some pretty good advice. 

What I want to feel is joyful~ the sense of prosperity and abundance~ love.

And I do. I feel all of those things in my life.

So even if I don’t get to spend the official holiday of romance with my Sweetheart, I’m OK. He’s way more than my Valentine~ he’s my friend and my partner~ like a true, for real partner~ and I’m blessed that he shows me so much love, support and encouragement every day, that my heart is full and I feel it even when he’s not here.

I’ve heard people dismiss Valentines Day in the past because we should really show our love all the time, and I always felt that even though that was a nice sentiment, I liked presents. But now, I get it. It’s way more than a day. (Although I still do like presents)

So, tonight, it’s me and some furry friends, who I also love very much. For some reason, even though they love me, neither of my teenage children were all that excited about my proposal of going ice skating with their mom on V-day. Whatever.

I considered going to watch some friends belly dance, but at the time they were leaving for the show, I was enjoying the sunny day tending seedlings and hunting slugs in my garden.

So, I went for a ride on my bike to watch the sunset and came home to make art in my garage with my animal companions. I’m looking forward to romantic post holiday celebrations when my Sweetheart gets back to town, but in the mean time, this is definitely the best I’ve ever felt on Valentines Day.

I'm all about sharing the love, and since I think love and laughter are quite nicely entwined, below I'm sharing a few things that are making me giggle~

Hope you all had a very happy and love filled day!

I was just getting to a place where I was the primary breadwinner and financial supporter of my family. Not only that, but we were doing OK.

So, when the sweet relative-of-a-relative offered to buy me the wallet, along with the cart full of other stuff, I couldn’t let her do it.

Well, to be honest, I was OK if she bought the other things, but I had to buy the wallet with my own big girl money, simply because I was in fact, bringin home the bacon.

Fast forward a year and a halfish, and I’m standing at a coffee counter 150 miles from home in a conversation I didn’t want to hear about things that could definitely affect the bacon that I’m bringing home. The talk gave me the grim feeling of a dead man walking.

Somehow, I managed to get through it without crying, running away with my hands over my ears or otherwise freaking out.

Unfortunately, all of the mind control I had to use left me absent minded enough to leave without my wallet.

I didn’t realize it was gone for hours, by which time the coffee house was closed and I needed to be on the road on my way back home. Without a wallet.

Fortunately, I had enough gas to get home and my license and credit card were in another part of my purse. The missing wallet however had cash and signed checks, one of which belonged to one of my kids who would surely do the freak de sheik if they knew.

It all seemed ironic, losing my sentimental money carrier when my money making possibilities for the future were beginning to look bleak.

I retraced my steps, looked everywhere I could access and left a note on the coffee shop door.

I then tried really hard not to beat myself up, freak out, or imagine doomsday symbolism in the loss. I have to say, I did better than I would have at most other points of my life.

It was a chunk of cash, but money could be replaced. And even if I did lose my main income stream, after all I’ve been through in the last few years, I knew I’d somehow figure it out.

Anyhoo, the next morning, I awaken to a voicemail from the coffee shop. Another customer had found a wallet and left his number. A few phone calls and arrangements were made. A friend picked up the wallet and got it in the mail. Within less than 48 hours, a delivery truck brought the wallet to my home, and EVERYTHING WAS STILL THERE. Cash, signed checks, even my belly dance class punch card. The wallet had passed through numerous hands, and no one took anything. Like I said, the world is full of mostly good people.

I’m feeling less dreadful about the metaphorical symbolism in the whole thing as well. Even if I temporarily lost track of my Bringin' Home the Bacon, it made its’ way back to me.

For now, I’m just glad that my faith in humanity is restored, and that I know in my heart that even if I need to find new ways of bringin' home my bacon, I’ll figure it out.

Lord have mercy, it’s a New Year! 

It's a time that always finds me in a strange place of in-between.... of trying to look back and ahead.... at the same time. 

It’s not really all that comfortable of a place to be, mentally or emotionally, but I can't help it.... I lean towards the overly analytical side of life, and I like to think I gain at least some insight from the process once it passes.

So, I’ve been trying to squeeze in a few minutes to think and reflect whenever possible over the last few weeks. But, with holidays, family events, trying to work, travels, and best of all, some wonderful winter adventures with my Fantabulous Partner and the 6 kids we have between us, well.... both time alone and quiet have been rare things.

Normally, being outside in nature is one my best thinking strategies, but the cold and limited daylight hours of this winter are making it even harder to pull off, since it’s freezing and / or dark most of the time.

Still, I’m intent on celebrating and releasing 2014, and trying to figure out what worked and what didn’t before I get too crazy in my dreaming and scheming for 2015.

So, a few things I learned:

• There’s nothing like the power of community, friends, family and LOVE. I may be fully competent to pull off all kinds of stuff mostly by my own big girl self,  but the reality is....life is SO MUCH BETTER with peeps!
  
  

Last year came with some really big and hard to deal with stuff, and I feel so blessed to have been surrounded by people who loved and lifted up me and my kids through it all. 

• 2014 has also been a year of figuring out a lot about relationships, like: 

• * How to navigate parenting teens. They’re like full size adults and totally capable of all kinds of grown up concepts and tasks, which is awesome. But, they’re still kids and have a whole lotta hormones, moods, and frontal lobe development still going on. (To be fair, I am full of hormones and moods as well, but I think my frontal lobe is as good as it’s going to get…)

• * I’m also learning how to be in a true partnership ~ as in a relationship based on both having a partner and being one~ and that’s HUGE! It requires trust, vulnerability, patience and all sorts of things that I do not find easy, but I’m also finding the benefits are totally worth it.
  

      There should really be a pamphlet on partnerships handed out with marriage applications, or better yet, given in to kids in high schools because it seems like a lot of people, like myself, make it well into adulthood with no clue as to how to do this.

• All of this relationship stuff comes with all kinds of lessons within lessons within lessons, such as:

•  * Good Communication is pretty much the most important and very best thing ever….like for real….it can get you through all kinds of hard stuff, which life is gonna give you anyway, and it’s a lot easier to find your way past when you can communicate.
  

• As I mentioned, I like dreaming and scheming~ I also like making things happen. And I've learned that brainstorming ideas and planning possibilities generally has to be followed by some action, even if it's tiny. 
  

      I might not get to everything on my list, but I’m learning to go easy on myself over that. Life happens and sometimes it's in direct opposition to my plans~ but I did manage some pretty cool stuff, and I’m convinced that if I didn’t elaborate on paper, try even when it wasn’t perfect, and surround myself with positive people, none of it would happen at all. 

I know there are about a billion and fifty more lessons, but these have been foremost in my mind. They all lead me to places I want to be, the people I want to be with, and the ways I want to keep growing in the New Year.

Now that the holiday madness is quieting down, I’m starting to see late nights with notebooks, colorful pens and my wonderful 2015 Shining Year Planner, mapping out my next schemes and ideas. I get the feeling it’s going to be a very good year.

OK, so I think I love the  Art Every Day month challenge. I'm a little over a week into my attempts, and so far, so good!

I've pretty much done something artsy-ish every day, and even completed a few things. 

Best of all, I'm having a whole lotta fun creating all kinds of stuff. 

Here are a few of my week 1 projects....

My playground has included acrylics, watercolor pencils, markers and colored pencils as well as some frou frou baked goods using apples and walnuts from my own back yard~ Those were quickly devoured. 

I also attempted some fancy ribbon embroidery which isn't shown either because, well....let's just say that learning elegant stitchery takes time, and my first attempts are too painful for public viewing.

The painting, drawing and coloring are my own designs and the mandala is from The Big Girl's Little Coloring Book. (Such a cool book~ I totally recommend it!)

While I didn't really have to force myself to make art, I did have to remind myself. I mean, life is busy, and in all honesty, without the incentive of completing a challenge, making time to create stuff may have been pushed aside. 

What's great is that the creativity seems to be building on itself because I have SO MANY MORE projects in mind! This week I'm hoping to try decoupage in a non-frilly / non-formal, non-Victorian looking usage. I've started brainstorming a holographic vision board, I have an idea for a beaded purple velvet bag, I'll certainly make more culinary art goodness and I'll most likely take another shot at ribbon embroidery in the hopes that my skills improve with practice. Oh, and I have polymer clay, and shrink plastic and........ Yep. I love this!

It's Thanksgiving Month, and while it may be a big ole cliche, I'm feeling especially blessed these days. How could I not be? 
Here are some things I am especially grateful for right now...

Life is good, indeed!

So, it's November, and while I know that the upcoming frenzy of holidays offers more than enough in the way of challenges, I'm thinking that I am up for a challenge of a different kind. The fun kind that is. 

November is National Novel Writing Month, and although my offspring and myself have thoroughly enjoyed this intense writing experience in past years, none of us are feeling at all up for pushing ourselves to write 50,000 words in 30 days this year. While I'm not up for it, I'm mentioning it because if you are ready for a kick in the pants with writing, I totally recommend giving it a go. Even if you end up with a bunch of complete nonsense, your writing muscles will be wayyyyyy stronger after all that discipline.

Buuuuut, November also happens to be Art Everyday Month~ a challenge which has some nice loosey goosey rules, which even the creator of the program acknowledges are made for breaking. Now, that's right up my alley. Yep, I'm in.

I'm a few days late in getting started, but it just so happens that I have created a few things already in the way of photography and art journal entries. That helps, so I don't feel like a total late start slacker. 

Now, for the rest of the month, I'll be consciously attempting to create something I can call "art" every day. I am hoping to do a lot more painting and drawing, taking pictures and maybe even some sculpting, but I'm pretty sure that my definition of art will end up flexible enough to include food and who knows what else. 

What's super cool is that our new house still has a whole lotta blank wall space, so this is a perfect way to make it fill it up and make this place feel even more like home.

My Girl Child is excited to join me part of the way on the journey, and I'll be encouraging the Boy in doing some form of art that is not on a screen as well. (It was much easier when they were younger.....and I at least had the illusion of having some control...sigh...)

Anyhoo, I'll be posting some of my creations here and on my Facebook page, at least the ones I feel are fit for public viewing.

If you're inclined to be artsy or writer-ish this month, I'd love to hear and see what you've been up to as well. So, please feel free to share!

Happy November!

It was nearly midnight, and my children would not stop laughing. I barely even minded that I was the source of their laughter because the stories they were telling were so darn funny (even if not entirely accurate.)

The three of us cackled to the point of teary eyed delirium as they described their versions of childhood memories.

“Remember when the biggest threat ever was that we’d have to go to school?”

They launch into a tale of me pretending to call the local elementary school to inquire about enrolling my Boy Child while they cried “No, please, Noooooooooooo!”

I don’t exactly remember this instance, although I do recall driving by the aforementioned school very, very slowly while staring at it as the two little voices in the carseats behind me quivered“What are you doing?”.

“Just... thinking……” I left a dramatic pause at the end for effect, and it worked.

“We’ll be good Mama! We promise! We don’t want to go to school!”

Maybe I’m horrible, but I still crack up just thinking about it.

Now I never told these kids that school was a bad place. They did however notice the school bus on the road at nearly 3 pm.

“Are those kids just getting home from school?!?!”

“Yep.”

“When did they get there?”

“Before you woke up.”

They had woken up when they were ready, as they did most days, climbed into a nest of cozy blankets and listened to stories read aloud until we were hungry.

After eating, they spent their day on family projects, learning about and caring for animals, and followed their own interests any number of ways; building forts and fairy houses, writing elaborate stories, making up worlds, inventing things, playing games, creating art, exploring nature in our woods and creek, and pursuing knowledge in whatever they were curious about at the time. They were often in pajamas, or just as likely in a cape or costume.

It really was an awesome childhood. They knew it then, and I’m so thankful that even as teenagers, they know and appreciate it now.

But lately I’ve found myself not only nostalgic, but lamenting the loss of those days. It isn’t so much that time has passed, although looking at them, it is clear that they are no longer children, but big teenagers getting ready to make their own ways in the world.

Knowing that they are in their last years of preparation before they fly free in the world is definitely a big thing to swallow, but even harder is the seeming lack of time and mental energy that I feel I have to spend with them now in the limited years we have left.

Thankfully, I became a single mom when they were at ages that were fairly self sufficient, but still….They may not have needed me to make them sandwiches or read them stories anymore, but I was used to being a really involved homeschool madre.

Now that I work so many hours to keep the ship afloat, I don’t have nearly as much left to come up with, let alone execute the awesome things we used to do together. I have a great job, but it takes a LOT of mental energy, and my brain feels pretty maxed out some days, and other days, it's straight up mush.

Thankfully, my offspring are surrounded by a community of awesome peeps, because that also makes life so much easier and richer, but still….I miss having the mental fortitude to come up with a bazillion project, field trip and other fun life learning ideas, not to mention the physical energy to build, craft and create all the time.

I actually started to write a post about what I missed most about homeschooling days past, but luckily, before I even got a paragraph in, I realized that I needed to tell myself to shut my own pie hole.

I’ve still got a really good deal going as far as life, and I’ve seen more and more in the last few years, that what I focus on is what grows. Instead of listing the top 10 things that are really hard about homeschooling as a single mom, or writing about how much I miss those happy days of playing, I know that I’ll probably be a lot happier if I put that energy into finding things that will work for us with the situation we now have on hand.

This morning, my giant teenagers climbed on my bed and we looked at amazing images of animals in utero on my laptop, and then a collection of before and after photos of caterpillars and moths. We were eating peanut brittle the whole time, and it led to a query on how we could make walnut brittle with our latest harvest. Yes. We’re still homeschooling.

I’ve also remembered that we have a few science kits just waiting to be opened~ why not invite some friends over to mix chemicals?

We can also plan some adventures to museums, historical spots, or even cheesy tourist traps near our out of town family and friends during our time free from classes and work around the holidays.

We have art supplies galore and a kitchen full of food~ all sorts of ingredients for exploring and playing together.

It feels a lot better and makes me a lot happier to be scheming than lamenting, that’s for sure. And I think we will all benefit from that.

Not to mention how many more fun things we’ll be likely to do if we’re focused in that direction.

Even if I don’t have as much free time or energy to put into our happy homeschool as I once did, I do still have plenty of ideas. So do my kids, and between us, we can be pretty darn creative about figuring out how to make stuff happen.

My kids are learning in all sorts of places and from all sorts of people these days, but heck yeah, we’re still homeschooling. I really wouldn't want it any other way.